Pregnancy After Loss: Holding Hope and Fear at the Same Time

Pregnancy after loss isn’t always glowing skin and ultrasound joy. Sometimes, it’s quietly counting the days. Obsessively checking for symptoms, or lack of them. Living in a strange in-between of gratitude and fear. Hoping so hard it hurts.

I know this road because I walked it.

After experiencing multiple miscarriages, my long-awaited pregnancy wasn’t filled with the relief I imagined. Instead, it was layered with anxiety, guilt, and a silent fear that if I let myself feel happy, something would go wrong again.

I bled almost every day during my first trimester. I barely moved. Every trip to the bathroom was an exercise in bracing for bad news. It’s hard to describe how exhausting it is to carry both a baby and the trauma of past loss in the same body.

But here’s what I want you to know: you are not failing if you aren’t "enjoying every moment." You are not ungrateful for feeling scared. And you’re not alone in this.

Pregnancy after loss requires a different kind of strength — one that says:
🧡 “I can love this baby and still be terrified.”
🧡 “I can be hopeful and still grieve what came before.”
🧡 “I can be both thankful and overwhelmed.”

And amidst all of it, please don’t forget you. Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a 30-minute escape into a show you’ve been meaning to watch. Distractions matter, they help pass the in-between, the waiting, the constant wondering. I even played video games on my husband’s Xbox (yes, the one I always wanted him to get rid of). It gave my brain something else to focus on, even briefly. Sometimes the smallest escapes are the biggest acts of self-care.

You deserve to have space for all of it, the joy, the fear, the milestones, and the messy middle. It’s okay to celebrate and grieve at the same time. It’s okay to feel both overwhelmed and overjoyed.

Because you deserve care, compassion, and connection in this chapter too.
Even when it’s complicated.
Especially when it is.